s m o r g a s w o r d

Archive for January, 2011|Monthly archive page

a very saline solution

In Uncategorized on January 31, 2011 at 2:59 pm

for the first time in weeks, i got rid of the stuffy nose, the one true standard bearer of all winter blues, blahs, blehs. when it is hard to breathe, it is hard to do much of anything else. add to the fact that asians, while blessed with a different aging algorithm, are cursed with miniature nostrils and flat noses that just cannot adopt to thin, dry air.

turns out that all that is needed are breathe right ™ strips, half a cup of kosher salt, warm water from the tap and presto, you snort the fucker like charlie sheen on a payday and you grab the best godsdamn sleep of your life despite the temperatura.

but i still wish winter would just disappear. did a bit of googling and it turns out, march 2o is the first day of spring. can’t wait for bagel and coffee at the park, a tradition started last year that we plan to continue every year that we are here.

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“the wisdom of crocodiles” is one vampire film that ranks among the best.

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and now, it’s time to make hay. or bake some dough. or face the blank page.

blizzardo part 2

In Uncategorized on January 27, 2011 at 2:32 pm

in a parallel universe…

In Uncategorized on January 26, 2011 at 11:40 pm

…the concert of black tape for a blue girl is not in hipsterville brooklyn. isn’t that the place of can’t-wait-to-sell-out sigur-ros wannabe indie bands? what i would give to listen to all the songs from “the rope” live.

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…the snow would stop. or at least accuweather would be well, accurate. all these flurries are messing up with my weekly wine run to trader joe’s. another storm is headed our way and minutes ago, thunder tore asunder the quiet that is the upper east side. imagine that. thunder while snowing. it’s like the reverse of fire and brimstone.

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…”carlos” or “mother” would be nominated for best foreign film.

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in this universe, i think i have defeated the cold. no more aches and pain, no more nyquil and valium, just the vitamins c and d and a healthy dose of fresh lemonade and honey. and vino after dinner. writing resumes as do yoga and in the coming days, i will be catching up on most of the oscar contenders thanks to a diligent download by ellen. and “of gods and men” cannes 2010 grand prix and “uncle boonmee” cannes 2010 palm de or are now in the aether if you know where you look.

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also in this universe, i am now writing in my iPhone notepad all the food that i shall be devouring come february when we take the much delayed and needed vacation. the trick to put everything in order which i can not yet wrap my puny little brain around. i hope the coming days go fast.


In Uncategorized on January 24, 2011 at 12:39 pm

been pretty much a vegetable the half part of last week when the sneezing last thursday became a full blown cold with matching runny nose to rival the tigris. friday, i made i made a bad decision to sweat at badminton which, i think, added another weakening to my immune system that i wasn’t able to sleep as the cold continued it assault, the cold being both my condition and the weather with its -7 real feel with the wind chill factored in. one of those days when i wonder what i am doing in here. saturday, i decided to engage in medication, nyquil and 4 times the rda of vitamin C and a howard hugh affectation for purell as i needed to do some sozyalizing come nightfall (which was great with quality meat’s lamb chop –  a very important detail as i discovered my taste buds are not yet fucked). nyquil and alcohol combined made me sleep for 5 hours straight but my lungs took a beating after, the scary kind, the kind that i could feel the need to breathe when i woke up. as i have suffered a heart problem before, feeling the need to breathe is bad. nyquil contiued until sunday where i felt lousy as fuck with aching sinuses, runny nose, aching back, and difficulty breathing. meanwhile, it got colder outside. the good side is that i have no fever, no phlegm is swimming up my throat, my joints are not protesting. so maybe this is not the flu – the true american nightmare after mortgage. before i slept, i popped a valium (de leon’s christmas gift) and now i am awake after 11 solid hours in morpheus’ embrace.

today is a rest day. i plan to watch three b-movies in a row after a few pages has been written. getting off yoga too but not the meditation and breathing exercises.

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answer me this:

why do dentists talk a lot while you are under the chair with your mouth being probed by three different robots? last saturday, while i got my teeth cleaned and recorded in the system, my dentist asked: “so. pano magluto ng ginataang puso ng saging?”. i am not making this shit up.


In Uncategorized on January 19, 2011 at 8:31 pm

happy birthday. hast thou an idea that john cusack is playing thee?

a cup and a bottle and everything in between

In Uncategorized on January 16, 2011 at 10:40 am

coffee against the cold. there’s nothing like  a chain breakfast with unlimited caffeine to start a cold day that could only get colder.

hunter mountain resort where it snowed all day and the temperatura dipped to zero. for the first time, applying oil of olay onto my ugly face is not gay at all, no sir.

the hardest before one ever gets a board is–tada!–to wait to get the board. while all things are barcoded and all names are database-d, chaos still reigned supreme. we, noypis made a jeptah vow that the first thing we all would do if and when the gr33n card arrives is to buy ourselve our very own board.

starting position where achieving verticality is a difficulty unto itself.

view for the first lift, the easy one where the snow is inviting and even and treacherous.

from the descent of the first lift, with the view of the second lift. descending from the lift is half the fun of snowboarding, believe you me, as the chairs run continuously with total disregard for the destruction of life, limb, or property. a meter before the chair turns, one inevitable thought forms: it is just you and yourself versus the world. either you jump or be carried back downtown like a wuss.

opposite view of the from the first lift. going for seconds gave me the false sense of accomplishment that i could try the second lift, twice the distance and the steepness of the first. bad idea. i landed very hard on my ass and head backwards. the thin air scraped the insides of lungs raw and it was only after crawling through the turns that i enjoyed the fucker.

we had more coffee and then i discovered that tubing via a high-end salbabida in the snow is actually fun. like that disneyland feeling of pure cynicism-check.

overheard at the locker room: the best part of snowboarding? slipping off the snow shoes. agree. but also having a cold beer and kare-kare with bagoong.

how roald dahl does it

In Uncategorized on January 14, 2011 at 2:27 am

a very sensible advice that takes writing to the talyer level: stop at mid-sentence. that way, you know what to write tomorrow. the fucker.

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my way is to never underestimate the power of a bottle of cheap wine at 2 fucking o’clock in the morning. during winter. but that’s just me, the fucker.

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in an alternate universe, facing the blank face isn’t as horrifying as root canal. but then again i love root canal. specially without novocaine.

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my self-appointed theme for 2011 is “create more, complain less”. imho, i just violated myself.

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at the KGB bar reading two months ago, ellen datlow, the ellen datlow, asked me what i do. i replied that i am a houseband. because that is what i am. i do the laundry, the dishes, the cooking, the marketing, etc. i am only a writer unless  i write–fiction.

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the best way to write on a mac computer is to set word at 100% view and to kill all other apps. including safari. especially safari. two weeks ago, i nearly bought a sony netbook just so i could fuck its net connection and focus on word–this is the trend nowadays for “real” writers, the 22nd century equivalent of hiding in the basement–buying an unconnected PC, installing nothing but MS word and fucking steve jobs.

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of course the real trick, as with life, is to make it all quick and painless. or, failing that, at least make it seem quick and painless.

once upon a year ago

In Uncategorized on January 8, 2011 at 9:38 am

january 8 shall never, ever be forgot.

this has to be noted, this anniversary of not touching rice and preservatives, this eating of at least 5 kinds of fruits and 3 kinds of veggies daily, this 5 days-a-week of yoga and meditation, this summoning of an effort not to fuck with my body, and consequently with my mind, and my life.

it wasn’t easy. but it works for me.

(it also should be noted that this is not a “pure” kind of thing–i also still eat meat once in a while. the idea is to be conscious of choice, to make a conscious choice, and to appreciate whatever choices are at hand. there are–and will always be–choices when it comes to food.)

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snowing again which will probably drag on until the coming weeks, a very nice timing for the upcoming snowboarding thingy upstate.

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a little birdy told me that the sodomite is now seeing how ugly, fugly truly is. “…just  a little patience, yeah…”


In Uncategorized on January 2, 2011 at 11:46 am

all in all, it was an almost painless holiday. for the first time in years, i survived both christmas and new year valium-free, with my loot purveyed by nej remaining untouched since last year.

two new goals will be met head-on this 2011 in addition to maintaining my health and writing the novel. so yes, i am a bit optimistic.

and i sincerely hope everyone gets some and then more in this year of the rabbit as i truly believe that if only everyone is getting more sex, the world will be a happier place.

* * *

rewind 20 years.

a year of many firsts. first stepped into university. first smoked, drank, did weed, tasted pussy, heard nirvana, read vertigo comics, met my first love, got my first heartbreak, failed a subject, passed out drunk, entered a strib club, cut a class, destroyed public property, gambled and won and lost, tried calligraphy, got a summer job, and a whole lot of other firsts.

i wish this year could bring more firsts–of the positive side, of course.

cheers and happy new year.